Who are you? My name is Jay Atwood and I am a graduate of Morehead State University (English.) After dropping out of grad school (American Literature) at the University of Kentucky, I undertook abortive careers in undertaking and drug & alcohol abuse counciling. Currently, I drive a taxicab here in beautimus Lexington, KY. Previous to this I served five and a half years in the United States Navy embarked on USS Ponce (LPD 15). I was a deck seaman and later a boatswain's mate. Before joining the Navy I was a professional fuck-up, being formally requested to voluntarily disenroll from Berea College "due to sub-standard academic performance and suspicion of narcotics abuse" followed closely by getting fired from nearly every job I ever had. I am originally from Stanford, KY and am a rabid Kentucky Wildcat basketball and Cleveland Browns football fan. For a few years I was married to a fledgling lesbian raised by carnies in Corbin, KY. My online handle is usually some derivative of rubbermouse.

What is the purpose of rubbermice.com? Unlike most dot.coms out there I don't sell or advertise anything on rubbermice.com. Mainly what I do is use the site as an online journal. It helps me blow off steam and keeps me actively occupied (so that I stay out of trouble.)

Why rubbermice? I was trying to come up with a unique email address late one evening over at the Honors House on Morehead State University's campus and was at my wits end because everything I thought of was already taken. I thrust my hands in the pockets of my jacket and leaned back in my chair to contemplate the most efficient manner in which to rip the monitor loose from the desk. In my pocket I discovered the handful of rubber mice (three gray and three black) I had scrounged out of a Halloween trick-or-treat earlier in the evening. (Hey you never know when you are going to need rubber mice, right?) Suddenly inspiration struck: I would just use my name! When that turned out to be a bust, too, I went with rubbermice. They still ride around in the left-hand pocket of that jacket. If you doubt my veracity, just stick your hand in my pocket whenever you see me wearing my black leather jacket. Their number briefly diminished to five (the tail of one came off so I tossed him) but he was soon replaced with a white one.

Should I join the Navy? Fuck no. And while we are at it don't drink Drano either.

What do you consider your greatest accomplishments in life? My greatest accomplishments in life are, in order: (1) Capturing the elusive ricky-mouse in boot camp, the equivalent of Miyagi cathing the fly with chopsticks in The Karate Kid: Part II. (2) Hitting my only home run, an inside-the-park deal in a third grade little league game due to a series of three errors on the defense. (3) Being named Morehead's Outstanding Undergraduate Student in English (as well as for the English/Foriegn Language/Philosphy Department) my junior year. (4) Being honorably discharged from the Navy, because there for a while it was up for debate whether I was going to make it or get the Big Chicken Dinner. (5) Not killing that son of a bitch when I had the chance.

What are your greatest regrets? Considering the peaks and valleys of my life, I have only one real regret and that is while in the Navy I didn't find it important enough take the tours of Paris (where I could have spent three whole days in the Louvre) and Rome because I was too busy drinking. Aside from the fact that I could have treated my younger brother much better when we were children, I regret nothing else. Oh, unwittingly marrying a lesbian ranks right up there, too. It was the relationship equivalent of forcing square pegs into round holes... not that I have a square peg, mind you.

What do you want to be when you grow up? Who wants to grow up? Fuck that, I would rather write on the walls.

After all that has gone on with your divorce, do you now see the error of your ways and hate lesbians? God, no. Just because the woman I was married to turned lesbian is no excuse for me to become a hater. (Turn? Is that the proper word? Do women "turn" lesbian the same way milk "turns" bad? Probably... but I digress.) Besides, if I did that I would have to hate one of my personal heroes. Um, suffice it to say straight girls do taste better though, not nearly as bitter.

What is the capital of Nebraska? Axle Rose.